Milton Bradley // Roc-A-Fella

People.

It's MILTON

FUCKING

BRADLEY.

I realize he has a penchant for getting in trouble, but he's no Pacman Jones.




I realize he has a penchant for getting hurt, but hes no Shaun Livingston.




Get over it. You too, Buster Olney.

Now, for something that DOES deserve attention:
Jay-Z and Rocawear are bidding for the name rights of the New Jersey Nets' Arena


How can the Nets pass this up? Rocawear would easily draw the largest group of New Jersey Nets fans. Imagine the sea of heads wrapped in complimentary blue and silver do-rags.

New Jersey Nets, you must do this.

Sunday Night Football

The Sunday night football game may have lacked defense, as the Giants and Cowboys threw all over each other all night long, but it surely did not lack John Madden.

John Madden graced our ears all night with his brilliant commentary. This was of course expected. What we did not expect, unless you've actually watched a game called by Madden before, was the visual aspect. Readers, I give you the first Madden penis of the 2007-2008 NFL Season.

Many more to come, I'm sure.

Update: Apparently The Big Lead is in on the Madden dick joke as well.

Football meets the big screen

This summer was full of good movies, but more importantly, it was full of movies that can relate to most teams in the NFL. Hit Some Dingers has matched up 30 of the 32 NFL teams with their corresponding summer movies. For the first football post of the season, and the beginning of a triumphant (and this time real) Hit Some Dingers comeback.

Patriots- Knocked Up


Although the Patriots season is just beginning, the Tom Brady saga is in full swing. While the Patriots have always been a "real team", they are exceedingly becoming Tom Brady's team. After impregnating Bridget Moynahan and fictitiously impregnating supermodel girlfriend Gisele Bundchen, Tom Brady and the Patriots are Knocked Up.

Colts- Resurrecting the Champ

I have no idea what this movie is about, but the Colts are the reining champs and I suppose they are in the process of resurrection. They lost key players on both sides of the ball, and hopefully Peyton Manning doesn't need any resurrection with a rookie LT guarding his blind side. I don't know what I would do if there were no more laser rocket arm commercials.

Chargers- Bourne Ultimatum

If Jason Bourne is the new James Bond, LDT is the new Jason Bourne. Guy can do anything, and I am still furious with my Photoshop phenom for choosing our fantasy draft order in reverse.

Bears- Superbad

Fitting title for the NFC Champs. The Tank Johnson saga was super, Rex Grossman is bad. You know you have problems when the fan base calls for Brian Griese to save the offense.

Ravens- Balls of Fury An old former MVP tries to get back on top and defend his name from all of the doubters.

Saints- Delta Farce


The Saints have expectations higher than the levees of New Orleans have very high expectations for this season. That combined with a crappy defense sets the team up for a big letdown. The farce of the NFC: your New Orleans Saints.

Eagles- Live Free or Die Hard
Or rather, Win With Donovan McNabb or Die Without Him. This team could go to the Superbowl or they could miss the playoffs with another injury to number 5. John McClain always comes through, and I have faith in Donovan McNabb. Yippiee Ki Yay Motherfucker.

Cowboys- I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

Terrell Owens has accused his share of quarterbacks of being gay, and since TO would never make something like that up, I assume he has gaydar. And if anyone thinks Tony Homo is straight, you've been under a rock since last year. No movie is more fitting for this team than Chuck and Larry.

Seahawks- Pirates III
Good cast, good idea, and good intentions, but the same story is starting to get old. The Seahawks aren't the force they used to be, and just like the movie franchise, they are starting to trail off.

Bengals- Oceans Thirteen What team has more criminals: The team from The Longest Yard, or the Bengals? Since we all know that everyone in jail is innocent, I say your Cincinnati Bengals.


Jaguars- Harry Potter Byron Leftwich and David Garrard. Neither can live while the other survives. With Leftwich gone, David Garrard gets a chance to show what he's got.

Steelers- Mr. Bean's Vacation Not that Bill Cowher is anything like Mr. Bean, but the face of the franchise (and the new mascot) is on vacation. For the first time in a long time we get to see the Steelers without Cowher at the helm.

Jets- Surf's Up Apparantly Laveranues Coles nicknamed Eric Mangini "The Penguin" and in this game, that is good enough to draw a comparison.


Panthers- Rush Hour 3 Jake Delhomme is the tall, dark and handsome Chris Tucker and Steve Smith is his little, fleet-footed Jackie Chan. Just like the movies, the Panthers are often disappointing but come through when it counts.

49ers- Transformers
The 49ers revamped their team in the offseason, adding overpriced free agents such as Nate Clemens, Michael Lewis, Darrell Jackson, and everyone's favorite crappy wide receiver: Ashley Lelie. The 49ers defense transformed from a team that couldn't stop anybody to an overpaid team that can't stop anybody.

Giants- Bratz
Too easy. From Eli Manning whining his way out of San Diego (setting the Giants back 12 years) to Tiki Barber being Tiki Barber, from Tom Coughlin on TV telling his guys to stop talking on TV to Michael Strahan's retirement soap opera, this team is full of drama queens. And I haven't even mentioned Jeremy Shockey yet...

Redskins- Evan Almighty
Grossly overbudgeted and all for naught. Evan Almighty never lived up to the hype, and neither will this Redskins team.

Dolphins- Hostel II
This team is ugly. Trent Green is over the hill, Ronnie Brown is in over his head, and the defense is only a year older. They may make your eyes bleed.

Titans- Spiderman 3
Vince Young is back, and clearly he has discovered some evil. He's getting in fights ion training camp, he's out sleeping wherever he wants, this is not the same Vince Young we knew from before. Think Steve Nash after he cut his hair.

Cardinals- Fantastic 4
The 4-man team in a sport where you need 24. No defense, still not much of an O-Line, but they have 4 pretty good players.

Packers- No Reservations
Because Brett Favre has NO RESERVATIONS about where he throws the ball! And the Packers have NO RESERVATIONS in the playoffs.

Lions- I Know Who Killed Me
And his name is Matt Millen. Not that I don't think Calvin Johnson will be great, but 10 first round receivers in the last 9 years only do so much to help out the team.

Chiefs- The Ex
Ex-starter Trent Green is gone, ex-backup Damon Huard is in. Time to see what a lifetime backup quarterback is really made of!

Vikings- Lucky You If you are a Vikings fan, I wish you good luck.

Buccaneers- Who's Your Caddy Which Cadillac Williams will the Bucs have this year- the hyped up, man plow running back out of Auburn, or the guy who had more fumbles than touchdowns last year?

Texans- 28 Weeks Later
This team looks much different than they did last year, they might not even come in last in their division this year. Maybe.

Raiders- Underdog

The only team who is consistently the underdog every single game: your Oakland Raiders.

Falcons- Captivity

Too easy.

Browns- Nancy Drew

I for one welcome our new target of all homosexual sports jokes. Brady Quinn is to sports what Wayne Brady is to black people on television.


There were only so many movies this summer, and since I couldn't figure out how to link the Bills or the Broncos to Hairspray, they get left off the list. Comment with thoughts, changes, or ideas for the Bills and Broncos. super tank johnson, tony and