The Day That Was: June 22, 2007

Junior goes back to Seattle for the first time tonight, I hope he gets a good response from the fans. He really saved that franchise and was nothing short of incredible in his prime. I can't believe he's 37 already. Also, there's a great pitching matchup in San Diego: Dice-K vs. Maddux (who is a top 5 pitcher I've ever seen). That's the game I'll watch tonight. Round 1 of the NHL Draft is tonight, enjoy; I know I will. Now, The Day That Was:

Jason Giambi agrees to meet with steroids investigator
But he will only talk about the benefits of investing in collateralized securities within the efficient market hypothesis.

Rangers owner suspects Juan Gonzalez was on steroids
The state asked him to put those skills of intuition to good use, making him chief detective of Arlington, Texas.

Larry Johnson prepared to hold out
Grandma-ma is delighted to get back in the news any way he can.

...oh, THAT Larry Johnson?

Oakland A's send Milton Bradley to Triple-A Sacramento
And they called up both of the Parker brothers.

KG nixes trade to Boston
He was gung-ho about the trade for weeks until someone explained to him what Black Irish meant.

Padre's fan makes it rain at ball game
Bet you didn't know Pacman was a Pad's fan.

Pacman Jones turns himself in to Las Vegas police
I thought I knew you, Pacman, what happened to you? I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

Jason Taylor disses Trent Green
His pal Terrell Owens told him to deny it, say he was misquoted

Jason Taylor denies quote
Like duct tape, works every time.

Nick Barnett arrested for shoving a woman at a nightclub
Barnett was traded to the Bengals two days ago.

Tejada continues his consecutive game streak with a single at bat
Cal Ripken rolled over in his grave.

16 year old girl marries her high school track coach
Only in North Carolina...it's not the home of NASCAR for nothin!

A monkey will throw the first pitch at tomorrow's Red Sox game
Seriously, it's not George W.

Tank Johnson pulled over for "DUI Impaired to the Slightest Degree"
Was that slight impairment simply being Tank Johnson?

We couldn't have said it better:

"Okay Paul, I knew your name. What's my name?"
"Mini Me, dawg."

-Paul Pierce meeting Verne Troyer, not knowing his name

Honarable Mention: the funny Roger Clemens movie. How likely is this to happen? Why can't I find anywhere to place a bet on this?

The Day That Was: May 29, 2007

Kobe backs down from previous statements
Clarifies Bryant: "I didn't say I wanted Jerry West to GM, I said I wanted him to replace Smush Parker."

Lakers owner arrested for DUI while driving gold station wagon
Admits it's all a ruse to try and become cellmates with Paris Hilton.

LeBron ties up the Eastern series with help from rookie Daniel Gibson
Seen signing fresh talent for Game 5 at local elementary school playgrounds, Mike Brown warned Eric Snow to be careful on the monkey bars.

Greg Oden to appear on Topps cards with Bill Russell
Shattered dreams of Celtics fans to be randomly inserted into one in ten packs.

Armando Benitez balks home tying run, Mets win in 12
Cub reporter Charles Schulz with the recap:


Sox win again as returning Beckett reaches 8-0
The bored pitcher announced that he's pitching his next game lefty.

Bonds predicted to hit #756 against Arizona on June 29
Asterisk manufacturers everywhere prepare for a rush, calling it "Christmas in June."

New calls for drug testing on the PGA
Critics cite Michelle Wie's new moustache.

NFL PA asks Goodell for a reduction in Pacman Jones' suspension
Michael Vick also submits appeal before being reminded he hasn't been suspended yet.

Andy Roddick upset at French Open
Luckily, millions of Americans continue to watch because they don't realize Federer is a foreigner. (Just kidding! Nobody's watched tennis since 1983!)