The Day That Was: June 6, 2007

The Phillies won 2 straight from the Mets and we're one day closer to both LeBron-ionship Game 1 and football season- so it's a good day for Hit Some Dingers. Wily Mo will send in his next piece any day now, he's a little late since he's starting and everything- big ups to Wily Mo. Now, on to The Day That Was:

Jerry Bruckheimer in talks to bring expansion NHL franchise to Vegas
If anything could get us to watch hockey, it would a team called the "Las Vegas Tits and Explosions."

Nadal still perfect at the French Open, 19-0
His trick? Just argue with the umpires, they're happy to surrender.

Selig wants Giambi's help in roids investigation
Claims Giambi: "When I said 'I was wrong for doing that stuff back in the nineties,' I was talking about the macarena."

Dolphins plan to trade Culpepper
Says a none-too-disappointed Culpepper, "Surprisingly, the boat parties were better in Minnesota."

Clemens set to debut on Saturday
After weeks of tense contract negotiations, Clemens' groin ends its long holdout.

Kevin Durant cannot bench press
It's okay, though, Greg Oden tripped over his evening gown.

Anaheim wins
Ecstatic Ducks players announced plans to bathe in a Stanley Cup full of national indifference.

Arizona repeats as college softball champs
And their pitcher repeats in my fantasies.

Ozzie says steroids investigators target Latin players
Marco McGuire and Jesús Giambi agree.

This banner could cost Ohio millions

The banner is still considerably less offensive than its predecessor:

We couldn't have said it better:

"He called me 'brother' and I called him 'brother'. We forgive each other, and we're back on track."

- Carlos Zambrano, during his audition for Brokeback Mountain, after fighting Jake Gyllenhaal. Michael Barrett will catch Zambrano's next start in Houston.

The Day That Was: May 31, 2007

A-Rod tricks Jays player into dropping ball by shouting "I got it!"
Goes down in baseball's illustrious history of dirty tricks right next to Shoeless Joe Jackson's infamous "Got your nose" yell.

New York state to legalize scalping
Confused Cowboy and Frontiersman's Guild lodges protest.

Favorite eliminated at spelling bee
U-N-N-E-W-S-W-O-R-T-H-E-- shit.

John Amaechi to lead gay pride parade in Salt Lake City
Tim Hardaway reacted, saying "I'm surprised he's not bringing up the rear of the parade! Get it? Get it?"

Chad Johnson to race a horse
Tank Johnson will eat the loser.

Snoop Dogg attends Stanley Cup game
The blackest man in America watches more hockey than you or I do.

Billy Donovan leaves UF to coach Orlando
Despite several attempts in the negotiating room, he was unable to bring his team with him.

Giambi injured while rounding bases after a HR
He'll be recuperating at the Best All-night Local Clu-- wait, did we use this joke yesterday? In related news, Mark McGwire tore his hamstring just watching the game.

NFL outlaws alcohol
No guns, dogfighting, or alcohol? I thought this was America!
In an unrelated story, Jerry Buss cancelled his plans to buy an NFL franchise.

Giants trade Benitez for Messenger
The Giants will pay $4,733,333 of Benitez's remaining $5,066,666 this season. San Francisco reportedly wanted the Marlins to pay more, but they balked at the idea.

Lebron James scores 29 of the Cavs last 30 points in a 2OT win
Daniel Gibson and Zydrunas Ilgauskas fouled out in overtime. Mike Brown opted not to replace them on the court.

We couldn't have said it better:

A petite stripper at the Hustler Club said A-Rod "likes the she-male, muscular type. They brought me up to the champagne room one time. I spun around once and that was it. I'm not his type."

- The NY Daily News